Oh Gawd, I am a Tantrika

Oh Gawd, I am a Tantrika

by | Jun 7, 2023 | Diary

TANTRA

Shrouded in mystery and intrigue, tantra is, actually, a science.

An ancient science that is so vast, it forms a terrain from which 6 Vedic teachings (Shad Darshana), with Yoga and Ayurveda being 2 of 6, take their roots. More about tantra in other posts, but in this post one of it’s meanings is definitely at play:

TAN = to stretch
TRA = beyond limits (= that which holds us safe)

BAM!

I’ve been blessed.

With good homeland, good parents, good childhood, good education, good friends, dedicated students, good husband, good kids, good vocation, good life.

Why oh why, then, have I:

  • left my country
  • left my parents
  • left childhood memories in dusty photo books
  • discarded my degree
  • neglected my friends
  • distanced my students
  • filed for divorce
  • agreed to seeing my kids only 1/2 the time (?!)
  • been looking for a job…

Could it be that all those blessings were not enough? Apparently not, since all I did was leave the riches…

Is it, then, those blessings are too much? Apparently not, since I am still praying:

  • For strength to overcome (what on earth?)
  • Wisdom to know (which secrets?)
  • Power to become (who?)

I know. I am TANTRIKA – one who peels off her safe keeping covers. One who tears off what she is given and uses it as spring board to launch herself into unknown. Into what she will claim for her own. I am one who pushes love away until it becomes beyond shadow of a doubt that LOVE is all I’m made of. We are a narly bunch. Witches.
​Oh Gawd.  I am here.

March 8 is International Women’s Day: celebrate your inner Shakti

March 8 is International Women’s Day: celebrate your inner Shakti

by | Apr 30, 2023 | Diary

In my home country – women of all ages are honored with flowers, small gifts and early release from school and work (my earliest memory – a bar of fancy soap from my first little man in 3rd grade – Ilya=precious).

In my spiritual home (ancient tantric tradition) – the female principle is called

SHAKTI : it represents creative energy

She is never stationary, always moving, becoming, creating and changing. She is the force of change. She is change.

She is balanced by SHIVA – male principle representing space (=container). He is never changing, always stable, always quiet, always observing his Shakti’s creative process,  containing her movements in a safe space.

Some of us have that balance in embodied life. And some – seek it. Through change, of course.

Change is often given a negative connotation as shallow, temporary, something to transcend and overcome. But, in fact, change is necessary for continuity of Life – it IS life. The very Nature maintains it’s existence by continuously transitioning. And yet the word “transition”, when spoken in the same sentence with a person’s name, is usually accompanied by a somber look or, at the very least, a raised brow. Being in transition myself, I connect with new people, and most of them confess that they, too, are “in transition”.  And have been for some time…

“Transition” has come to mean:
– from married to single
– from corporate job to self-employment
– from busy Mom to empty nester
– from healthy to chronically ill
– from one gender to another
– from (X)sexual to (U)sexual
– from youth to old age
– from famous to “washed up”
– from life to death
– ahem… purgatory

“Transition” has come to mean something scary or difficult. Something undesirable. And with that stigma, here we are – struggling to welcome our own process of change, becoming, creating and recreating ourselves! Getting stuck because of that resistance in a perpetual limbo!

The truth is – NO ONE has it together. Even the most accomplished of them all. Everyone is in transition. Everyone is swept up in Shakti’s dance. Sometimes for years. For an entire life. And it’s OK. It’s natural. It’s healthy. Change is good. It’s OK to not have it together. That, too, will change. But, until it does – I want to embrace transitioning friends – and in my heart of hearts deeply celebrate their birthing pains. I want to wipe their tears and whisper in their ear: ‘don’t stop’.
I don’t want life on Earth to stop.

I hereby wish you a Happy International Women’s day! And I invite you to celebrate HER in you – celebrate your changing nature, the uncertain, unknown, unpredictable, moody, undesired and uncharted TRANSITION. She is the Beauty who keeps the word going round and round. Please, continue to continue…

As for Shiva… Is there an International Men’s Day ;)?

Embrace your inner SHAKTI

In CHILD of PRANA Method we study Energy Management: science, implementation and integration of SHAKTI into your life for the change you want

Schedule a Discovery Call
The “Goddess Syndrome”

The “Goddess Syndrome”

by | Apr 30, 2023 | Diary, Spirit of Asana

Another victim of pervasive “Goddess Syndrome” bit the dust. There’s one for each passing day, it seems.

Each day, another summon call to the “Inner Goddess” echoes off social media screens with beautiful face and body behind it cooing words of freedom, self-realization and untold manifested riches should we click the button (some even exhibit the 6-figure income promise).

Humbly sharing only teachings thoroughly assimilated and passed on to me down the line of Himalayan (=highest peaks) Masters, I see that beauty, I hear that sexy cooing. And a leettle voice inside me squeaks: “why aren’t you THIS “out there”? Where is your Goddess, you, UNrealized, UNpretty, aged and tired, barely keeping it together pathetic NOT Goddess? What riches do you have to add to glory of Divine, you UNDERwhelming whimp?!”…

… As if what has already been accomplished is not enough. As if the everyday achievement of being an honest human doing honest work is not enough.

A black hole in  stardom heaven opens up – through which I FEEL my self-worth leaking, leaking, leaking…  Oh-oh, I I’ve succumbed to the Goddess syndrome!

And then I remember…. FEEL, SEEL, HEAL .. the hole!

FEEL: the shame and sorrow in the heart
SEEL: take hiatus from social media and replace it with local salt-of-the-earth community
HEAL: Remember UNpretty, UNsexy, OVERworked, OVER tired Mothers who raised humanity. All of us. Remember my Mother and Her Mother, and Mother Russia – yeah, the Mother who defeated nazis in WWII. And my Soul is repaired with that strength and courage.

And I worship that Mother: Unseen, UNpraised and UNDEFEATED.
JAI MA!

Embrace your TRUE Nature

Beneath the buzz of should-would-could, there lie the roots – our true origins. You are a CHILD all right. Your Mother, like no other, is shared by all – her name is Nature, her Breath is PRANA. Are you ready to embrace and learn from Her? CHILD of PRANA Program is for you.

Schedule a Discovery Call
Child of Prana

Child of Prana

by | Apr 30, 2023 | Diary

The 0.01 percent of Mother in us all.
A Mother like no other – timeless, whole.
Before I’m born, I am in Her.
And after, She’s in me.
And when I die, Her hands, upheld in mudra, mine receive.
A Breather of Desire, and a nag –
She ever gently pushes me to tag
along a golden, weary path I know –
because it feels so good to dare to love, to grow.
To know, to feel, to share this flame of Hers.
A Child of Prana – I am Yours.

Pranam, Mata

Peace is a gap between two wars

Peace is a gap between two wars

by | Apr 30, 2023 | Diary

I just can’t be alone right now. Because then it’s just me and my mind – duking it out.

The Guilty, Unworthy, Failure and Co.

Yogini, I have the tools: I go IN. And the deeper I dive the darker it gets. No amount of company, affection, wine, friendship, reassurance, support from without is enough. Not even a full day of transmitting teachings of Yoga to highly receptive seekers is enough. To end the tunnel.  To fill the void. To ease the vacuum suction of space – eternal, endless, dark, alone and empty. (more…)

Pretzel

Pretzel

by | Apr 30, 2023 | Diary

I like Semac. He is new to yoga, but has been coming to the Clinic like clockwork twice a week.  Follows up with a “thank you” text almost every time. He is a true blue all American old timer who drives an old volvo ’cause it just sat in his neighbor’s yard too long, so he bought it. He is new to yoga, but has been a yogi all his life, I get the sense. Yet because he is convinced of his newness, Semac is innocent enough about the practice – he just says it like it is: plain and honest.

Once after a particularly “twisted” class (we didn’t put our feet behind our ears – but I DID do Samikarana pranayama with them in 4 diagonal directions), there was a deafening silence for about 10 minutes. Each time – there is nothing left to say after. Except this time, Semac dropped it: “Well this was just kind of a pretzel yoga”.

Damn right, Semac. Because LIFE is a PRETZEL. But remember: YOU are NOT.

Each time we do this twisted yoga – we put ourselves into a sort of pretzel, so that we could find the pretzel hole – a space within that is not twisted, shrunk and contorted. A space within that’s free. And we breathe into that pretzel hole so we can expand it, increase our inner freedom. Sometimes we add a bind, an arm/leg balance – bit of “mustard” to give that pretzel flavor,  open up it’s taste.

Shiva is the pretzel hole: SPACE, One who holds everything in His vast embrace.
Shakti is the mustard: One who stimulates, challenges, creates, exists, changes,  moves – the CONTENT.

We are both: Shiva and Shakti. Some days, more like pretzel hole. Others – more like mustard.  But never the pretzel.
LIFE IS A PRETZEL. What are you today, Semac?

error

Enjoy this blog post? Please share!